Recently I've started experimenting with drugs! Well, caffeine to be perfectly honest.
After suffering from panic attacks several years ago, I stopped drinking caffeine and avoided it like the plague ever since, but over the last few weeks, I thought It's about time to give it a go again.
Oh boy, do you get a kick from an espresso or what; or should I say 'expresso' for any older readers who seem insistent on this pronunciation.
Anyhow, this morning at work, I did one of those things that only a human could do; I proved to myself, that it's quite possible to take the following 28 steps when trying to make a cup of coffee:
1. Leave office and go to kitchen
2. Load coffee into the machine
3. Fill water reservoir
4. Turn hot water switch
5. Realise no hot water is being produced by afore mentioned machine
6. Try hot water switch again
7. Vainly try hot water switch once again
8. Check socket is switched on
9. Jump to conclusion mains fuse has blown in plug
10. Return to office, retrieve flat-bladed screwdriver and mains fuse
11. Return to kitchen, remove plug, remove fuse, replace fuse, plug back in
12. Try hot water switch again
13. Curse out loud
14. Whinge to accounts lady (whose office is adjacent to kitchen)
15. Try different mains outlet on opposite side of kitchen
16. Curse again
17. Remove mains plug, coffee and water reservoir
18. Tip the machine on its back to inspect mains cable and futilely search for an RCD reset switch
19. Empty the contents of the drip tray (full from previous days use) all over yourself and worktop
20. Curse once more
21. Rapidly locate kitchen roll and frantically chase coffee dregs around afore mentioned worktop
22. Continue to inspect the machine to discover there's nothing wrong and there's no RCD
23. Curse lots more
24. Grudgingly give up and restore coffee machine back to original state
25. Notice the large mains rocker switch located on the front side of the machine is set to '0'
26. Flip rocker switch to 'I' position and watch coffee machine spring to life
27. Take mockery from accounts lady who has been observing all this happen
28. Make coffee, return to office as quickly as possible, lick wounds